The Human Intimacy Podcast

Turning Pain into Purpose: A Journey of Post-Traumatic Growth (Episode #73)

In this powerful and emotionally rich episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis shift the focus from trauma to transformation. While past episodes have explored the symptoms of post-traumatic stress following betrayal, this conversation is all about post-traumatic growth—the process of finding meaning, strength, and purpose through adversity.
MaryAnn shares her personal journey from betrayal and pain to advocacy and healing, culminating in a major Supreme Court ruling protecting children online—an experience that represents a full-circle moment in her growth process. The discussion weaves in key psychological theories, including Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, the Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory, and Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset, all while grounding the conversation in the realities of lived experience.
Listeners will be inspired to see their own hardships not as dead ends but as turning points—opportunities to grow, to give back, and to reclaim a sense of self and connection.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Post-Traumatic Growth InventoryDeveloped by Richard Tedeschi & Lawrence Calhoun to measure personal growth following trauma.Learn more
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor FranklA classic on finding purpose through suffering, based on Frankl’s time in a concentration camp.
Mindset by Carol DweckIntroduces the concept of a “growth mindset”—how we can view challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth.
Window of Tolerance by Dr. Dan SiegelA framework for understanding how much emotional stress we can manage before becoming dysregulated.
12-Step ProgramsEmphasized as a tool for spiritual growth, community support, and emotional healing in recovery.
Crumbaugh and Maholick’s Work on Existential MeaningTheories around life purpose and navigating crossroads in life.
Free Speech Coalition v. PaxtonU.S. Supreme Court decision upholding Texas’ age-verification law for online pornography—a pivotal moment in MaryAnn’s advocacy journey.
Learn more @ https://www.humanintimacy.com/pages/home?preview=true

The Disclosure Process: When Honesty Opens the Door to Healing (Episode #72)

The Disclosure Process:
When Honesty Opens the Door to Healing
 
Episode Summary:
In this deeply compassionate and informative episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaels explore one of the most difficult but essential stages in healing from betrayal trauma—the disclosure process. Beginning with the devastation of discovery (D-Day), they walk listeners through the emotional aftermath, the common patterns of staggered and trickle disclosure, and the powerful, structured process of a formal therapeutic disclosure. They explain how this process—consisting of a disclosure statement, an impact letter, and an emotional restitution letter—can move couples toward clarity, trust, and reconnection when handled with care and preparation.
Dr. Skinner shares research insights from Jennifer Schneider and Peggy Vaughan, emphasizing the high percentage of couples who found healing and stability after going through a formal disclosure. The conversation also highlights when disclosure is not appropriate—particularly when divorce is imminent or used for legal leverage.
Whether you’re navigating betrayal trauma or supporting someone who is, this episode offers validation, hope, and practical guidance for one of the hardest conversations a couple can have.
Resources Mentioned:
Formal Therapeutic Disclosure Process
Step 1: Full behavioral disclosure facilitated by therapists
Step 2: Impact Letter from the betrayed partner
Step 3: Emotional Restitution Letter from the partner who acted out
Research Cited:
Dr. Jennifer Schneider – Found 90–93% of participants who completed a disclosure were glad they did
Dr. Peggy Vaughan – Found 86% of couples who discussed the details of infidelity were still together, compared to 55% who did not
Key Terms Defined:
Staggered Disclosure
Trickle Disclosure
Shock vs. Stealth Discovery
Safety Seeking Behavior
Locus of Control
Zeigarnik Effect (the mind’s tendency to fixate on incomplete stories)
Related Courses by Dr. Skinner at Human Intimacy:
Building Boundaries After Betrayal
Couple Communication and Reflective Listening
How to Communicate When You Don’t Know What to Say

When Your Partner Won’t Engage: Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection (Part 2) (Episode #71)

When Your Partner Won’t Engage:
Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection (Part 2)
📝 Episode Summary:
In Part 2 of this powerful series on emotional regulation and effective communication, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaels dive deeper into what happens between partners when conflict escalates—and how to interrupt destructive patterns before more harm is done.
They explore the importance of calling a timeout when either partner is flooded, how to pre-agree on safe ways to pause conversations, and how to return with emotional regulation and self-awareness. The episode highlights key tools like reflective listening, part-based language, and empathy-building through self-inquiry.
From managing physiological signs of stress to tracing emotional triggers back to past wounds, this episode offers a practical roadmap for repairing conflict and building trust—even when conversations are hard. You’ll walk away with language, tools, and hope that deep emotional connection is possible with preparation and practice.
📚 Resources & Tools Mentioned:
HumanIntimacy.com Resources:
Test Your Relationship (Assessment)
How to Communicate When You Don’t Know What to Say (Course by Dr. Kevin Skinner)
Boundaries and Communication (Course by MaryAnn Michaels)
The Communication Course (MaryAnn Michaels)
Core Concepts Covered:
Emotional Flooding: Recognizing signs (e.g., heart rate above 100 BPM) and pausing accordingly.
Timeout Agreements: Pre-agreed-upon plans to pause difficult conversations with a set return time.
Training Wheels Communication: Using index cards, scripts, or notes to aid vulnerable conversations.
Reflective Self-Inquiry: Questions like “Where have I felt this before?” and “What story am I telling myself?”
Parts Language: Naming the internal parts that are activated in conflict (“A part of me felt abandoned…”).
Empathic Imagination: Asking, “I wonder what my partner was thinking or feeling?”
The Zeigarnik Effect: The need to close emotional loops to find peace and resolution.
Post-timeout Reflection: Asking, “Did we resolve this?” and celebrating progress made together.

When Your Partner Won’t Engage (Part 1): Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection (Episode #70)

When Your Partner Won’t Engage (Part 1):
Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection
In Part 1 of this two-part series on The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis dive into one of the most common yet painful relationship challenges: emotional disengagement. Whether it's a partner who won’t talk, shuts down, or avoids hard conversations, this episode unpacks the underlying reasons—like past criticism, emotional wounding, and lack of safety—and offers a compassionate and practical path forward.
Drawing from Dr. Sue Johnson’s work on attachment patterns, John Gottman’s research on emotional flooding, and the Zeigarnik effect, this episode helps listeners recognize the “dance” of disconnection and how to begin stepping out of it. You'll learn why defensiveness and shame can derail conversations, why some questions get asked again and again, and how slowing down and checking in with yourself can begin to change the entire communication dynamic.
This foundational conversation sets the stage for Part 2, where Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn will explore what to do after a timeout—how to mentally and emotionally prepare to re-enter a difficult conversation with clarity, empathy, and effectiveness.
Key Topics Discussed:
Emotional disengagement and communication breakdown
Why safety is essential for vulnerability
Attachment cycles and the “emotional dance” (Sue Johnson)
The Zeigarnik effect and why unresolved issues stay active
Defensiveness, shame spirals, and emotional flooding (John Gottman)
The role of belief systems (“You don’t listen to me,” “I don’t matter”)
The importance of timing, tone, and non-reactivity
Suggested Resources Mentioned:
Free Mini-Course: Seven Essential Skills for Healthy Communication– humanintimacy.com– Tools for reflective listening, validating emotions, and clear expression.
Mini-Course: How to Communicate When You Don’t Know What to Say– Practical guidance for emotionally charged conversations.
YouTube Channel:– Dr. Kevin Skinner on YouTube– Watch, comment, and engage with this and future episodes.
Email Questions:– Reach out with thoughts or questions: questions@humanintimacy.com
Researchers & Models Referenced:
Dr. Sue Johnson (Emotionally Focused Therapy)
Dr. John Gottman (Emotional flooding and timeouts)
Zeigarnik Effect (Unfinished emotional business)
Next Episode (Part 2) Preview:Title: When Your Partner Won’t Engage (Part 2): How to Reconnect After Taking a TimeoutIn the follow-up episode, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn continue the conversation by exploring how to effectively return to a difficult discussion after stepping away. You’ll learn what to do during a timeout, how to calm your nervous system, and how to re-enter with empathy, clarity, and emotional regulation.
Would you like a short version for show notes or a version formatted specifically for YouTube?

Words That Shape Us: Rethinking the Language We Use in Relationships (Episode #69)

 
Words That Shape Us:
Rethinking the Language We Use in Relationships
In this thought-provoking episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the powerful impact of the words we use in our relationships. From misunderstood terms like gaslighting, addiction, and defensiveness to therapeutic concepts like parts work, triggers, and intimacy, they unpack what these words really mean and why clarity matters.
Drawing from decades of clinical experience, Dr. Skinner explains how language—used consciously or not—can either create emotional safety or reinforce shame and confusion. MaryAnn adds vivid examples of how common phrases and labels can trigger strong emotional responses, especially when they’ve been used harmfully in the past.
The episode invites listeners to be more intentional about their communication—pausing to clarify meanings, owning emotional experiences instead of blaming others, and understanding the deeper messages behind the words. Listeners will come away with a richer appreciation of how language shapes healing, self-awareness, and human connection.
Resources Mentioned in the Episode:
Richard C. Schwartz, Internal Family Systems Therapy — foundational model for understanding "parts" of the self
Brené Brown — referenced for her work on shame and how addiction is often about numbing and disconnection
Key books: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly
Malcolm Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking — explains unconscious decision-making and rapid intuitive responses
Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear — explores how intuition and implicit memory keep us safe
Joseph LeDoux — neuroscientist referenced for research on the brain’s fear pathways and emotional processing (notably how we feel before we think)
Dr. Kevin Skinner
Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal
PTSD Assessment for Betrayed Partners
Denial and Blame Scale (early scale now recognized as assessing gaslighting behaviors)
Seven Types of Intimacy course — mentioned in the discussion on redefining intimacy beyond sex
Podcast Episode: Making Love and Other Non-Sexual Activities (December 2024 / January 2025)
 

Grieving What Was—and What Wasn't: Finding Meaning in Loss (Episode 68)

 
🎙️ The Human Intimacy Podcast:
Grieving What Was—and What Wasn't: Finding Meaning in Loss
📝 Episode Summary:
In this deeply moving episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the often-unspoken grief that arises not only from death but from lost experiences, missed relationships, betrayal, and the life we thought we would have. Together, they discuss how grief shows up in unexpected ways—through sadness, anxiety, depression, and even numbness—and why it's essential to give it language, space, and presence.
From betrayal trauma to the ache of unmet childhood needs, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn reflect on how grief is not something we simply get over, but something that transforms us. They invite listeners to “buffalo up,” facing the emotional storms head-on to lessen their long-term impact and discover the healing that can come from being seen, supported, and present with our pain.
This episode affirms that grief is both individual and shared—and through empathy, ritual, and support, we can move from suffering to strength. Whether you're mourning a loved one, a lost relationship, or simply the life you didn’t get to live, this conversation offers tools, language, and hope.
📚 Resources & References Discussed:
Dr. Edith Eger – The Choice
Grieving for what happened and for what didn’t happen.
Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross – Five Stages of Grief
Originally developed for death-related grief, but elements show up in all forms of loss.
"Buffalo vs. Cow" Metaphor – Facing emotional storms head-on instead of running from them to shorten their impact.
Ted Wiard – Burbles of Emotion (from grief training at Willow House)
Describes grief as emotional bubbles that unexpectedly surface.
Grief Rituals – Writing, symbolic goodbyes, or creating new experiences to process loss.
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): 📞 988 – For anyone in crisis or supporting someone in distress.
💬 Key Takeaways:
We grieve both what happened and what never did—and both types deserve space.
Grief often shows up disguised as anxiety, depression, or numbness.
Healing begins by naming our losses and making space to feel them.
Support from others—through presence, not solutions—is essential in the grieving process.
Transformation and post-traumatic growth are possible. Grief changes us, and often, it refines us.
 

Self-Leadership: The Roadmap to Healing, Hope, and Deeper Intimacy (Episode #67)

Self-Leadership:
The Roadmap to Healing, Hope, and Deeper Intimacy
In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis reflect on Marianne’s powerful experience presenting at the ITAP (International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals) Conference, where she introduced a healing-intensive approach combining Frazier’s Dissociative Table and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). Together, they explore the theme of self-leadership—what it means to take ownership of your healing journey and to navigate pain, trauma, and emotional disconnection with intention and insight.
They dive into the importance of understanding our internal parts, drawing from Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems (IFS) and his concept of “No Bad Parts.” Listeners are guided to reflect on their emotional patterns, discover the unmet needs behind their actions, and learn how to respond to their emotions with compassion rather than reactivity. The conversation emphasizes that true self-leadership is not about perfection, but about authenticity, congruency, and ultimately, the ability to show up more fully in our most important relationships.
Whether you're healing from betrayal, navigating relationship challenges, or seeking personal growth, this episode offers practical insights and encouragement to help you reconnect with yourself and others.
Key Topics Covered:
The role of self-leadership in trauma recovery and personal transformation
Using the Dissociative Table and ART in a one-day intensive model
Internal Family Systems and understanding our emotional “parts”
The difference between insight and action in behavior change
How trauma can lead to emotional reactivity and how to regulate it
Why connection is the ultimate goal of healing and self-mastery
The importance of giving yourself permission to pause and prioritize healing
Resources Mentioned:
Frazier’s Dissociative Table Technique – A tool to identify internal parts and unresolved trauma
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) – A trauma-informed approach for rapid emotional processing
Internal Family Systems (IFS) by Richard Schwartz
Book: No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey (reference to “Sharpen the Saw”)
Loving-Kindness Meditation – A mindfulness practice focused on compassion for self and others
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – Insights on unmet needs and attachment ruptures in couples
Quote from C.S. Lewis – “There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”
Listener Takeaway:You don’t have to be perfect to lead yourself well. Begin by noticing your patterns, asking what your emotions are trying to tell you, and taking small, intentional steps toward the connection and healing you deserve. Self-leadership is ultimately a journey toward becoming the kind of person who can love—and be loved—deeply.

The Lens of Betrayal: Relearning How to See the Ones We Love (Podcast #66)

The Lens of Betrayal:
Relearning How to See the Ones We Love
In this thought-provoking episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how betrayal changes the way we see the people closest to us. When trust is broken, our brain naturally shifts into self-protection, filtering our perception through trauma, pain, and fear. Dr. Skinner shares personal stories and clinical insights to illuminate how resentment, grief, and disconnection can cloud our ability to see others clearly. Together, they discuss how healing requires slowing down, grounding the nervous system, and re-engaging the prefrontal cortex to ask deeper questions: Who is this person now? Am I ready to see them anew? The episode encourages listeners to examine their own emotional filters, make space for grief, and learn to see others—and themselves—with compassion, clarity, and maturity. This conversation offers hope, not through rushed reconnection, but through the power of perception and presence.
Resources Mentioned & Referenced
Reflective Questions to Shift Perspective
“Who is my enemy?”
“What am I fighting for?”
“Am I ready to see this person in a new way?”
Neuroscience and Trauma Concepts
The amygdala’s role in trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze)
The prefrontal cortex as the seat of reflective, relational thinking
Trauma-informed perception: seeing through past filters
Therapeutic Tools and Concepts
Reflective Listening – Taught in the free course: Seven Essential Communication Skills(Available at humanintimacy.com)
Bids for Connection – From Dr. John Gottman’s research
Back Pocket Technique – Practicing presence by temporarily setting aside your own perspective
Literary Inspiration
C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory:
“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal…”
Related Upcoming Topics
Self-Leadership -Self-Mastery
When Your Partner Won’t Open Up
The Fear of Being Seen
 

Consent, Communication, and the Core of Intimacy (Episode #65)

Consent, Communication, and the Core of Intimacy
In this powerful and essential episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis dive into the nuanced and often misunderstood topic of sexual consent within committed relationships. Drawing from years of clinical experience and recent conversations with clients, they explore what true consent looks like—voluntary, informed, and mutually respectful—and contrast it with coercion, obligation, and self-betrayal.
They examine how past trauma, cultural expectations, sexual addiction, and desire discrepancies can distort intimacy, leaving one or both partners feeling used, unsafe, or unheard. With honesty and compassion, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize the importance of open communication, healthy boundaries, and attunement between partners.
Listeners are encouraged to assess their current sexual dynamics, initiate mature conversations about their needs, and repair harm where consent may have been ignored or unclear. Whether you're in recovery from betrayal or simply looking to build deeper intimacy, this episode offers a vital framework for healing and connection.
Resources Mentioned in the Episode:
"Talking to Strangers" by Malcolm Gladwell – Particularly the chapter on consent, alcohol, and impaired decision-making
"Tea and Consent" YouTube video (British version) – A visual and accessible explanation of consent
Research on Sexual Desire Discrepancies – Highlighting how mismatched sexual desire impacts relational satisfaction
Brett Williams' "Same Team" Framework – A tool for shifting relational conflict toward shared problem-solving
Concepts from betrayal trauma therapy – Including the importance of informed, voluntary participation and boundaries during sexual reintegration
 

Healing Body Image and Self-Perception After Betrayal (Episode #64)

Healing Body Image and Self-Perception After Betrayal
 
In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how early life experiences, cultural messaging, and exposure to media and pornography shape self-perception and body image—especially after betrayal. They discuss why betrayed partners often feel "not enough," and they share research shows that pornography harms both users’ and partners’ body image.  
The episode offers practical strategies for healing, including gratitude for the body’s functionality, redefining beauty beyond appearance, and reconnecting with the joyful, authentic self. This conversation invites listeners to free themselves from harmful comparisons and embrace their inherent worth.
Resources Discussed:
- Study: The Association of Pornography Use and Body Image Among Heterosexual and Sexual Minority Men (Archives of Sexual Behavior).- Key concepts: Self-perception, media influence, social comparison theory, and gratitude-based body acceptance.
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