From Self-Deception to Self-Trust: Honoring Emotions After Betrayal (Episode #60)

From Self-Deception to Self-Trust:

Honoring Emotions After Betrayal

In this deeply moving episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaels are joined by special guest Jennifer Johnson, a clinical mental health counselor and expert in betrayal trauma and sex addiction recovery. Together, they explore the nuanced concept of self-deception—not as a character flaw, but as a survival response often rooted in upbringing, family systems, and emotional safety.

They discuss how many betrayed partners struggle to trust their instincts and emotions, often minimizing their experiences or denying them altogether due to social conditioning, gaslighting, or fear of the truth. The conversation highlights the importance of self-awareness, emotional identification, and self-compassion as key steps toward healing and reclaiming authenticity.

Jennifer shares powerful insights on learning to honor emotions through body awareness, identifying internalized shame, and rediscovering one’s inherent worth. Dr. Skinner closes with a formula: Self-Compassion → Self-Trust = Authenticity—emphasizing that true intimacy begins with being real, both with ourselves and others.

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 📚 Recommended Resources:

1. Books Mentioned:
   - The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes
   - It Didn’t Start with You by Mark Wolynn
   - No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz (for Internal Family Systems)
   - The Mindful Therapist by Dan Siegel (includes the COAL model)

2. Therapeutic Models Discussed:
   - Internal Family Systems (IFS)
   - EMDR and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)
   - Somatic and trauma-informed emotional regulation strategies

3. Conference Resource:
   - Visit HumanIntimacy.com to access the Human Intimacy Conference, including separate tracks for:
     - Betrayal Trauma
     - Sex Addiction
     - Divorce Recovery
     - Couples Healing

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 💬 Assignment for Listeners:
Take time to reflect on your own emotional awareness. Ask yourself:
- What am I feeling right now?
- Where do I feel it in my body?
- Can I name this feeling without judgment?

Then, gently practice offering yourself loving kindness—the "L" in Dan Siegel’s COAL model—especially if this has been hard in the past. As Jennifer said, “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.”