Making Love and Other Non-Sexual Activities: Creating Connection in Every Relationship (Episode #41)

Making Love and Other Non-Sexual Activities:

Creating Connection in Every Relationship

In episode 41 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis redefine the concept of "making love," shifting it from a purely sexual context to an intentional act of creating connection and care in all relationships. Through personal stories, client experiences, and research insights, they explore how love is a choice and an action, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, psychological safety, and intentionality.  

The discussion delves into the challenges of showing love after betrayal or during conflict and highlights practical tools for fostering connection, such as attuned communication, externalizing problems, and practicing presence. They also discuss the barriers that prevent love, including fear, resentment, and lack of safety, while encouraging listeners to reflect on their ability to make love by creating a nurturing environment.  

Key takeaways include the importance of tone and body language in communication, the role of self-awareness in showing up authentically, and the need for self-care and external support during difficult times. The episode concludes with an inspiring invitation to “go make love” in all its forms, from small acts of kindness to moments of deep connection.

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Resources Discussed:

1. Barbara Fredrickson’s Book, Love 2.0  

   - Explores the concept of love as a momentary connection rather than a fixed state, emphasizing micro-moments of positivity and connection.

2. Dan Siegel’s Work on Feeling “Felt” 

   - Focuses on how attuned communication helps individuals feel deeply understood and validated in relationships.

3. Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick  

   - A study highlighting the impact of nonverbal communication and emotional attunement on connection and attachment.

 

4. The Intimacy Pyramid (Dr. Skinner’s Version)  

   - A framework for understanding different levels of intimacy, starting with psychological safety and moving through emotional, verbal, intellectual, and sexual connection.

5. Brett Williams Book, You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married 

   - Encourages couples to focus on collaboration rather than defensiveness, offering practical advice for fostering connection.

6. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach  

   - Encourages individuals to reflect on how their demeanor and actions impact relationships, posing the question, “Do you make it easy for people to love you?”

7. Eye Contact Meditation  

   - A couples exercise focusing on deep, intentional eye contact to foster intimacy and connection.

8. Support from Trusted Relationships  

   - The importance of turning to trusted friends, family, or therapists to process emotions and find words before engaging in difficult conversations with a partner.

By integrating these insights and tools into your daily life, you listeners can learn to make love a choice and a practice, fostering stronger, more authentic relationships.