The Human Intimacy Podcast

The Secrets of Successful Couples: Bid Attempts, Communication, and Emotional Connection (Episode #31)

The Secrets of Successful Couples: Bid Attempts, Communication, and Emotional Connection
In this episode of the “Human Intimacy Podcast”, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores the secrets of successful couples, sharing key insights from relationship researchers like Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Sue Johnson. Dr. Skinner delves into the importance of recognizing and responding to "bid attempts"—those small gestures couples make to seek connection—and highlights how couples can either turn toward, away from, or against their partner's bids, affecting the relationship's overall health.
He continues by explaining that successful couples practice effective communication, managing conflict respectfully, offering emotional support, and incorporating healthy physical touch. These couples are also emotionally attuned to each other’s needs, express appreciation and gratitude, and prioritize connection through small, everyday actions.
Dr. Skinner encourages listeners to reflect on their own relationships, scoring themselves on their ability to turn toward bid attempts, communicate effectively, offer emotional support, and express gratitude. The episode emphasizes that these core principles, when practiced consistently, can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and help couples overcome challenges together.
Resources Mentioned:
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/test-your-relationship-extra
A special thanks to McKay Hatch for allowing us to share his musical talent.
 

Facing the Fear of Intimacy: Understanding and Overcoming the Barriers to Connection (Episode #30)

Facing the Fear of Intimacy:
Understanding and Overcoming the Barriers to Connection
In this heartfelt episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and co-host Amy Andrus dive into the common emotions surrounding the fear of intimacy. They explore how past experiences, childhood memories, and critical self-talk can create blind spots that hinder our ability to connect deeply with others.
Throughout the discussion, they provide insights into identifying and addressing these fears, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and vulnerability. Whether you're navigating trust issues in a current relationship or seeking to understand your own reluctance to connect, this episode offers practical advice and emotional support to help you take the first steps toward meaningful human intimacy.
Assignment: After listening to this episode, take some time to reflect on your own experiences with fear of intimacy. Grab a piece of paper and write down the earliest memories you have related to feeling disconnected or fearful in relationships. What thoughts or emotions come up for you when you think about these moments? Consider when you first started feeling this way and how these fears may be impacting your current relationships. This self-reflection exercise can be a powerful first step toward understanding and overcoming the barriers to deeper connections in your life.

The Power of Social Connection: Healing and Thriving Through Support (Episode 29)

 
The Power of Social Connection: Healing and Thriving Through Support
In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss the vital importance of social connections for our physical and mental well-being. They explore the transformative impact of community, support groups, and trusted relationships, emphasizing that humans are inherently wired for connection. Through research and personal stories, they highlight how social support can help individuals recover from trauma, betrayal, and isolation. The hosts encourage listeners to seek out meaningful connections, whether through groups, past relationships, or safe individuals, as a critical step toward healing and thriving.

Breaking the Cycle - How to Resolve Relationship Problems and Build Connection (Episode 28)

Breaking the Cycle:
How to Resolve Relationship Problems and Build Connection
In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Amy Andrus explore how couples can break free from destructive relationship patterns that keep them stuck. They introduce the concept of the Zeigarnik effect—the tendency of the mind to cling to unresolved issues—and how it often plays out in relationships, causing repeated conflicts.
The hosts discuss practical strategies for identifying and disrupting these negative cycles, such as deep listening, self-reflection, and small, consistent changes in behavior. They emphasize the importance of gaining insight into one's own emotions and those of one's partner to foster understanding and compassion. Whether you're feeling hopeless or simply want to improve your relationship, this episode offers valuable tools and perspectives to help you create a healthier, more connected partnership.
The podcast emphasizes that successful relationships require effort, introspection, and a willingness to break old habits and create new, healthier ones.

Empathy in Action: A Path to Deeper Relationship Bonds (Episode #27)

Empathy in Action: A Path to Deeper Relationship Bonds
with Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis
In this podcast episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the concept of empathy, defining it as the ability to connect with others' emotions and hold space for their experiences. They discuss the challenges of practicing empathy in relationships, particularly during conflicts when emotions run high.
The episode introduces Carol Juergens Sheets’ AVR model—acknowledge, validate, reassure—as a tool to enhance empathy in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, the difficulty of validating others' feelings when emotions are intense, and the need for effective communication during conflicts.
Resources:
https://www.humanintimacy.com/learnmore

What Happened to Us? Unpacking Relationship Challenges and Finding Solutions (Episode #26)

What Happened to Us? Unpacking Relationship Challenges and Finding Solutions
1. Introduction and Purpose: The podcast, hosted by Kevin Skinner, focuses on individuals struggling in their relationships, exploring why relationships fail and what can be done to prevent this.
2. Dr. Skinner shares a personal story about his niece's beautiful wedding, contrasting the joy and connection of a new relationship with the fear and challenges many face in relationships today.
3. Statistics on Marriage and Divorce: In 2022, over 2 million couples married, while approximately 750,000 to 800,000 couples divorced in the United States, highlighting a significant societal issue.
4. Common Reasons for Divorce:   - Lack of Commitment (75%)   - Infidelity (60%)   - Excessive Arguing and Conflict (58%)   - Marrying Too Young (45%)   - Financial Problems (38%)   - Domestic Violence (24%)
5. Dr. Skinner Emphasizes the Importance of Developing Our Relationship Skills: Emphasizes the importance of learning relationship skills, such as communication and problem-solving, to maintain strong relationships.
6. Impact of Stories: Discusses how unresolved issues lead to negative narratives that damage relationships, such as feeling unloved or unsupported by a partner.
7. Infidelity and Turning Outward: Explores how unresolved conflicts can lead to infidelity and turning to external sources for emotional needs.
8. Repairing Relationships: Highlights the importance of addressing core issues and repairing the relationship through effective communication and understanding.
9. Creating Love: Love is described as a renewable, actionable choice rather than a fleeting emotion. Actions, such as being vulnerable and acknowledging mistakes, can foster love.
10. Barbara Fredrickson's Insights: Love is essential for well-being, akin to oxygen and food, influencing our biochemistry and DNA expression.
11. Assignment: Listeners are invited to create a relationship history timeline to identify key events and unresolved issues in their relationships.
12. Commitment and Vulnerability: Emphasizes the importance of showing commitment and being vulnerable to repair and strengthen relationships.
13. Final Thoughts and Resource: Skinner encourages listeners to seek help and use available resources, such as the "Human Intimacy" webinar series and the "Relationship Dilemma" course, to improve their relationship skills.
14. **Quote by Barbara Fredrickson**: "Love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave," emphasizing the fundamental importance of love in our lives.
15. Conclusion: Encourages listeners to actively create and nurture love in their relationships, improving personal and societal well-being.
Resources Discussed:
Barbara Fredrickson’s book: Love 2.0 (Currently Free on Amazon)
The Relationship Dilemma
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/the-relationship-dilemma-stay-or-leave
The Human Intimacy Webinar Series
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/human-intimacy-free-webinar-series
 

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together (Episode #25)

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together
On the 25th Episode of the Human Intimacy podcast Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses how individuals and couples can effectively deal with adversity in relationship. Below you will find the key points discussed in the podcast.
1. Introduction to Resiliency in Relationships: Dr. Skinner introduces the topic of how couples handle difficult adversity in their relationships, drawing from his 30 years of experience as a therapist.
2. Dr. Al Siebert's Insights: Skinner shares insights from Dr. Al Siebert, who studied resilient people for 35 years. Siebert's research on individuals who overcame extreme adversity, such as the Holocaust or severe health issues, revealed that resiliency is a learned skill.
3. Adversity's Impact on Relationships: Adversity can either pull couples together or push them apart. Couples who survive difficult times often develop stronger bonds and learn to communicate more effectively.
4. Elizabeth Edwards' Perspective: Resiliency involves accepting a new reality and trying to create something good from it, rather than just lamenting what has been lost.
5. Importance of Flexibility and Adaptability: Resilient individuals and couples are flexible and adaptable. They don't return to old, unhealthy patterns but learn to embrace new ways of dealing with challenges.
6. Role of Curiosity and Open-mindedness: Resilient people remain curious and open to learning. They continuously seek new information and strategies to overcome their difficulties.
7. Dr. Siebert's Findings on Resiliency: Resiliency is not an endpoint but a continuous process. It involves experiencing emotional ups and downs and being adaptable to changing circumstances.
8. Examples of Resiliency: Skinner shares examples of individuals and couples who have shown remarkable resiliency, including those who have dealt with infidelity, addiction, and severe health issues.
9. **James Stockdale's Story**: Skinner recounts the story of James Stockdale, a Vietnam War POW who exemplified mental resilience by refusing to let his captors control his mind, and identified three types of people: optimists, pessimists, and realists, with realists being the most resilient.
10. Support Systems and Community: Resilient people often find support from others and become part of a community or tribe that helps them navigate their challenges.
11. Resiliency as a Collective Effort: For couples, resiliency requires both partners to be committed to learning, adapting, and communicating effectively. It involves mutual effort and openness to change.
12. Conclusion: Skinner emphasizes that resiliency is about not giving up, staying open to learning, and being flexible. He highlights the importance of recognizing the ups and downs of life and adapting accordingly.

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting (Episode #24)

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting
Introduction and Background:
Dr. Kevin Skinner introduces Dr. Jason Whiting, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and professor at Brigham Young University.
Dr. Whiting has authored a book titled, “Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships”.
Main Themes:
Deception in Relationships:
Dr. Whiting discusses the prevalence of deception in relationships, from minor exaggerations to significant betrayals like affairs.
He explains that understanding and addressing these deceptions can lead to more authentic and responsible interactions.
Research and Findings:
Dr. Whiting shares insights from his research, which includes interviews with individuals involved in domestic violence.
He notes that many people who have engaged in harmful behaviors often rationalize their actions but can recognize their excuses in calmer moments.
Physiological Responses and Conflict:
The conversation highlights the concept of "flooding" as described by John Gottman, where high emotional arousal (heart rates over 100 bpm) makes constructive communication difficult.
Dr. Whiting emphasizes the importance of taking timeouts during conflicts to allow physiological and emotional calmness to return.
Negotiated Timeouts:
Dr. Whiting explains the concept of negotiated timeouts, where couples pre-arrange signals and strategies to pause heated arguments.
This approach includes agreeing on signs of escalation, taking a break, and then deciding whether to continue the discussion, abandon it, or postpone it.
Authenticity and Core Values:
The discussion shifts to becoming more authentic in relationships by aligning actions with core values such as honesty, kindness, and responsibility.
Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner discuss strategies for individuals who struggle with honesty, including reflecting on their core values and practicing mindfulness.
Rebuilding Trust:
For individuals who have been deceptive, Dr. Whiting advises focusing on consistent honesty and understanding the partner's perspective.
He mentions the importance of having space for individual work and appropriate accountability outside of overwhelming the marital relationship.
Communication and Kindness:
Dr. Whiting discusses the balance between honesty and kindness, emphasizing that being "brutally honest" is often just being brutal.
Effective communication requires considering the other person's feelings and context, not just raw emotional honesty.
Conclusion:
Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner highlight the significance of developing healthier communication habits, understanding physiological responses during conflicts, and fostering authenticity and kindness in relationships.
Resources Discussed in the Podcast:
Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationship by Dr. Jason Whiting
The Science of Trust by Dr. John Gottman
 

The Burden of Sexual Betrayal (Episode #23)

The Burden of Betrayal
When it comes to relationship challenges, infidelity and sexual betrayal are some of the most challenging issues to resolve. In this week's podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses the Burden of Sexual Betrayal. He explores it from both partners' perspectives and highlights the painful process of rebuilding a relationship after betrayal.
Resources Discussed
Attachment Focused Family Therapy by Daniel Hughes
Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner

Exploring Sexuality: Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors (Episode #22)

Exploring Sexuality:
Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors
We are all sexual beings and have natural desires that guide our behaviors. However, as we develop, our sexuality can cross lines that we regret. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss sexual connection and intimacy, and healthy versus unhealthy sexual behaviors. Join us for this information-filled episode.