The Human Intimacy Podcast

Breaking the Cycle - How to Resolve Relationship Problems and Build Connection (Episode 28)

Breaking the Cycle:
How to Resolve Relationship Problems and Build Connection
In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Amy Andrus explore how couples can break free from destructive relationship patterns that keep them stuck. They introduce the concept of the Zeigarnik effect—the tendency of the mind to cling to unresolved issues—and how it often plays out in relationships, causing repeated conflicts.
The hosts discuss practical strategies for identifying and disrupting these negative cycles, such as deep listening, self-reflection, and small, consistent changes in behavior. They emphasize the importance of gaining insight into one's own emotions and those of one's partner to foster understanding and compassion. Whether you're feeling hopeless or simply want to improve your relationship, this episode offers valuable tools and perspectives to help you create a healthier, more connected partnership.
The podcast emphasizes that successful relationships require effort, introspection, and a willingness to break old habits and create new, healthier ones.

Empathy in Action: A Path to Deeper Relationship Bonds (Episode #27)

Empathy in Action: A Path to Deeper Relationship Bonds
with Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis
In this podcast episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the concept of empathy, defining it as the ability to connect with others' emotions and hold space for their experiences. They discuss the challenges of practicing empathy in relationships, particularly during conflicts when emotions run high.
The episode introduces Carol Juergens Sheets’ AVR model—acknowledge, validate, reassure—as a tool to enhance empathy in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, the difficulty of validating others' feelings when emotions are intense, and the need for effective communication during conflicts.
Resources:
https://www.humanintimacy.com/learnmore

What Happened to Us? Unpacking Relationship Challenges and Finding Solutions (Episode #26)

What Happened to Us? Unpacking Relationship Challenges and Finding Solutions
1. Introduction and Purpose: The podcast, hosted by Kevin Skinner, focuses on individuals struggling in their relationships, exploring why relationships fail and what can be done to prevent this.
2. Dr. Skinner shares a personal story about his niece's beautiful wedding, contrasting the joy and connection of a new relationship with the fear and challenges many face in relationships today.
3. Statistics on Marriage and Divorce: In 2022, over 2 million couples married, while approximately 750,000 to 800,000 couples divorced in the United States, highlighting a significant societal issue.
4. Common Reasons for Divorce:   - Lack of Commitment (75%)   - Infidelity (60%)   - Excessive Arguing and Conflict (58%)   - Marrying Too Young (45%)   - Financial Problems (38%)   - Domestic Violence (24%)
5. Dr. Skinner Emphasizes the Importance of Developing Our Relationship Skills: Emphasizes the importance of learning relationship skills, such as communication and problem-solving, to maintain strong relationships.
6. Impact of Stories: Discusses how unresolved issues lead to negative narratives that damage relationships, such as feeling unloved or unsupported by a partner.
7. Infidelity and Turning Outward: Explores how unresolved conflicts can lead to infidelity and turning to external sources for emotional needs.
8. Repairing Relationships: Highlights the importance of addressing core issues and repairing the relationship through effective communication and understanding.
9. Creating Love: Love is described as a renewable, actionable choice rather than a fleeting emotion. Actions, such as being vulnerable and acknowledging mistakes, can foster love.
10. Barbara Fredrickson's Insights: Love is essential for well-being, akin to oxygen and food, influencing our biochemistry and DNA expression.
11. Assignment: Listeners are invited to create a relationship history timeline to identify key events and unresolved issues in their relationships.
12. Commitment and Vulnerability: Emphasizes the importance of showing commitment and being vulnerable to repair and strengthen relationships.
13. Final Thoughts and Resource: Skinner encourages listeners to seek help and use available resources, such as the "Human Intimacy" webinar series and the "Relationship Dilemma" course, to improve their relationship skills.
14. **Quote by Barbara Fredrickson**: "Love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave," emphasizing the fundamental importance of love in our lives.
15. Conclusion: Encourages listeners to actively create and nurture love in their relationships, improving personal and societal well-being.
Resources Discussed:
Barbara Fredrickson’s book: Love 2.0 (Currently Free on Amazon)
The Relationship Dilemma
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/the-relationship-dilemma-stay-or-leave
The Human Intimacy Webinar Series
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/human-intimacy-free-webinar-series
 

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together (Episode #25)

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together
On the 25th Episode of the Human Intimacy podcast Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses how individuals and couples can effectively deal with adversity in relationship. Below you will find the key points discussed in the podcast.
1. Introduction to Resiliency in Relationships: Dr. Skinner introduces the topic of how couples handle difficult adversity in their relationships, drawing from his 30 years of experience as a therapist.
2. Dr. Al Siebert's Insights: Skinner shares insights from Dr. Al Siebert, who studied resilient people for 35 years. Siebert's research on individuals who overcame extreme adversity, such as the Holocaust or severe health issues, revealed that resiliency is a learned skill.
3. Adversity's Impact on Relationships: Adversity can either pull couples together or push them apart. Couples who survive difficult times often develop stronger bonds and learn to communicate more effectively.
4. Elizabeth Edwards' Perspective: Resiliency involves accepting a new reality and trying to create something good from it, rather than just lamenting what has been lost.
5. Importance of Flexibility and Adaptability: Resilient individuals and couples are flexible and adaptable. They don't return to old, unhealthy patterns but learn to embrace new ways of dealing with challenges.
6. Role of Curiosity and Open-mindedness: Resilient people remain curious and open to learning. They continuously seek new information and strategies to overcome their difficulties.
7. Dr. Siebert's Findings on Resiliency: Resiliency is not an endpoint but a continuous process. It involves experiencing emotional ups and downs and being adaptable to changing circumstances.
8. Examples of Resiliency: Skinner shares examples of individuals and couples who have shown remarkable resiliency, including those who have dealt with infidelity, addiction, and severe health issues.
9. **James Stockdale's Story**: Skinner recounts the story of James Stockdale, a Vietnam War POW who exemplified mental resilience by refusing to let his captors control his mind, and identified three types of people: optimists, pessimists, and realists, with realists being the most resilient.
10. Support Systems and Community: Resilient people often find support from others and become part of a community or tribe that helps them navigate their challenges.
11. Resiliency as a Collective Effort: For couples, resiliency requires both partners to be committed to learning, adapting, and communicating effectively. It involves mutual effort and openness to change.
12. Conclusion: Skinner emphasizes that resiliency is about not giving up, staying open to learning, and being flexible. He highlights the importance of recognizing the ups and downs of life and adapting accordingly.

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting (Episode #24)

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting
Introduction and Background:
Dr. Kevin Skinner introduces Dr. Jason Whiting, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and professor at Brigham Young University.
Dr. Whiting has authored a book titled, “Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships”.
Main Themes:
Deception in Relationships:
Dr. Whiting discusses the prevalence of deception in relationships, from minor exaggerations to significant betrayals like affairs.
He explains that understanding and addressing these deceptions can lead to more authentic and responsible interactions.
Research and Findings:
Dr. Whiting shares insights from his research, which includes interviews with individuals involved in domestic violence.
He notes that many people who have engaged in harmful behaviors often rationalize their actions but can recognize their excuses in calmer moments.
Physiological Responses and Conflict:
The conversation highlights the concept of "flooding" as described by John Gottman, where high emotional arousal (heart rates over 100 bpm) makes constructive communication difficult.
Dr. Whiting emphasizes the importance of taking timeouts during conflicts to allow physiological and emotional calmness to return.
Negotiated Timeouts:
Dr. Whiting explains the concept of negotiated timeouts, where couples pre-arrange signals and strategies to pause heated arguments.
This approach includes agreeing on signs of escalation, taking a break, and then deciding whether to continue the discussion, abandon it, or postpone it.
Authenticity and Core Values:
The discussion shifts to becoming more authentic in relationships by aligning actions with core values such as honesty, kindness, and responsibility.
Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner discuss strategies for individuals who struggle with honesty, including reflecting on their core values and practicing mindfulness.
Rebuilding Trust:
For individuals who have been deceptive, Dr. Whiting advises focusing on consistent honesty and understanding the partner's perspective.
He mentions the importance of having space for individual work and appropriate accountability outside of overwhelming the marital relationship.
Communication and Kindness:
Dr. Whiting discusses the balance between honesty and kindness, emphasizing that being "brutally honest" is often just being brutal.
Effective communication requires considering the other person's feelings and context, not just raw emotional honesty.
Conclusion:
Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner highlight the significance of developing healthier communication habits, understanding physiological responses during conflicts, and fostering authenticity and kindness in relationships.
Resources Discussed in the Podcast:
Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationship by Dr. Jason Whiting
The Science of Trust by Dr. John Gottman
 

The Burden of Sexual Betrayal (Episode #23)

The Burden of Betrayal
When it comes to relationship challenges, infidelity and sexual betrayal are some of the most challenging issues to resolve. In this week's podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses the Burden of Sexual Betrayal. He explores it from both partners' perspectives and highlights the painful process of rebuilding a relationship after betrayal.
Resources Discussed
Attachment Focused Family Therapy by Daniel Hughes
Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner

Exploring Sexuality: Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors (Episode #22)

Exploring Sexuality:
Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors
We are all sexual beings and have natural desires that guide our behaviors. However, as we develop, our sexuality can cross lines that we regret. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss sexual connection and intimacy, and healthy versus unhealthy sexual behaviors. Join us for this information-filled episode. 
 

How to Support Your Loved One Through Mental Health Challenges: A Guide for Family Members (Episode #21)

Using the C.A.R.E.S Model to Help Your Loved Ones Dealing with 
Mental Health Challenges (Episode #21)
We live during a time when mental health challenges have significantly increased over the past few decades. Some research suggests that we are ten times more likely to have depression than we were fifty years ago.
Suppose you have a loved one struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. In that case, we invite you to listen to Dr. Robinson and Skinner as they discuss this important topic. They will be covering the C.A.R.E.S Model in-depth. If you want to help your struggling loved one, this podcast will provide valuable insights.
The C.A.R.E.S. Model
C = Communicate actively
A = Advocate for their needs
R = Respect their journey
E = Educate yourself
S = Support healthy habits
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Resources Mentioned in This Podcast:
National Alliiance on Mental Health (NAMI)
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/
 
 
 
 
 

Heart to Heart: Q&A on Strengthening Intimacy and Your Relationship Skills (Episode #20)

Heart to Heart: Q&A on Strengthening Communication and Intimacy in Your Relationship Skills
Join me, Dr. Kevin Skinner for a one on one conversation as I answer some of the common questions I receive as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Questions discussed in today’s podcast include:
What can I do if I can’t get the people close to me to open up.
What can I do to stop my unwanted sexual behaviors?
How can I overcome a fear of intimacy and being close to others?
I have been holding back from telling others about being betrayed, what do you think I should do?
Sources discussed in this podcast:
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/treating-sexual-addiction
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/human-intimacy-free-webinar-series
Thanks for joining The Human Intimacy Podcast!

5 Simple Evidence-Based Daily Rituals to (Help You) Stay Afloat and Successfully Navigate Stress and Chaos (Episode #19)

PIERS: 5 Simple, Evidence-Based Daily Rituals to (help you) Stay Afloat and Successfully Navigate Stress and Chaos.
Life can be hard, and at times it can feel hopeless, helpless, and even out of control. 
We invite you to embark on a journey with us as we deep dive into the world of simple, grounding, evidence-based daily rituals for optimal living. These practices will help you improve your relationship with yourself and others. They will also enhance your physical, emotional, and mental health as you discover and develop these anchors to keep you afloat and thriving amidst life's daily challenges.
Resources Discussed During This Podcast:
Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being by Dr. Martin Seligman
Lost Connections by Johann Hari
A special thanks to McKay Hatch for the music.  You can learn more about McKay at:
https://youtu.be/BPmF47qHYbg?si=yWRL3H47q2f6HHZt