The Human Intimacy Podcast

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together (Episode #25)

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together
On the 25th Episode of the Human Intimacy podcast Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses how individuals and couples can effectively deal with adversity in relationship. Below you will find the key points discussed in the podcast.
1. Introduction to Resiliency in Relationships: Dr. Skinner introduces the topic of how couples handle difficult adversity in their relationships, drawing from his 30 years of experience as a therapist.
2. Dr. Al Siebert's Insights: Skinner shares insights from Dr. Al Siebert, who studied resilient people for 35 years. Siebert's research on individuals who overcame extreme adversity, such as the Holocaust or severe health issues, revealed that resiliency is a learned skill.
3. Adversity's Impact on Relationships: Adversity can either pull couples together or push them apart. Couples who survive difficult times often develop stronger bonds and learn to communicate more effectively.
4. Elizabeth Edwards' Perspective: Resiliency involves accepting a new reality and trying to create something good from it, rather than just lamenting what has been lost.
5. Importance of Flexibility and Adaptability: Resilient individuals and couples are flexible and adaptable. They don't return to old, unhealthy patterns but learn to embrace new ways of dealing with challenges.
6. Role of Curiosity and Open-mindedness: Resilient people remain curious and open to learning. They continuously seek new information and strategies to overcome their difficulties.
7. Dr. Siebert's Findings on Resiliency: Resiliency is not an endpoint but a continuous process. It involves experiencing emotional ups and downs and being adaptable to changing circumstances.
8. Examples of Resiliency: Skinner shares examples of individuals and couples who have shown remarkable resiliency, including those who have dealt with infidelity, addiction, and severe health issues.
9. **James Stockdale's Story**: Skinner recounts the story of James Stockdale, a Vietnam War POW who exemplified mental resilience by refusing to let his captors control his mind, and identified three types of people: optimists, pessimists, and realists, with realists being the most resilient.
10. Support Systems and Community: Resilient people often find support from others and become part of a community or tribe that helps them navigate their challenges.
11. Resiliency as a Collective Effort: For couples, resiliency requires both partners to be committed to learning, adapting, and communicating effectively. It involves mutual effort and openness to change.
12. Conclusion: Skinner emphasizes that resiliency is about not giving up, staying open to learning, and being flexible. He highlights the importance of recognizing the ups and downs of life and adapting accordingly.

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting (Episode #24)

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting
Introduction and Background:
Dr. Kevin Skinner introduces Dr. Jason Whiting, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and professor at Brigham Young University.
Dr. Whiting has authored a book titled, “Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships”.
Main Themes:
Deception in Relationships:
Dr. Whiting discusses the prevalence of deception in relationships, from minor exaggerations to significant betrayals like affairs.
He explains that understanding and addressing these deceptions can lead to more authentic and responsible interactions.
Research and Findings:
Dr. Whiting shares insights from his research, which includes interviews with individuals involved in domestic violence.
He notes that many people who have engaged in harmful behaviors often rationalize their actions but can recognize their excuses in calmer moments.
Physiological Responses and Conflict:
The conversation highlights the concept of "flooding" as described by John Gottman, where high emotional arousal (heart rates over 100 bpm) makes constructive communication difficult.
Dr. Whiting emphasizes the importance of taking timeouts during conflicts to allow physiological and emotional calmness to return.
Negotiated Timeouts:
Dr. Whiting explains the concept of negotiated timeouts, where couples pre-arrange signals and strategies to pause heated arguments.
This approach includes agreeing on signs of escalation, taking a break, and then deciding whether to continue the discussion, abandon it, or postpone it.
Authenticity and Core Values:
The discussion shifts to becoming more authentic in relationships by aligning actions with core values such as honesty, kindness, and responsibility.
Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner discuss strategies for individuals who struggle with honesty, including reflecting on their core values and practicing mindfulness.
Rebuilding Trust:
For individuals who have been deceptive, Dr. Whiting advises focusing on consistent honesty and understanding the partner's perspective.
He mentions the importance of having space for individual work and appropriate accountability outside of overwhelming the marital relationship.
Communication and Kindness:
Dr. Whiting discusses the balance between honesty and kindness, emphasizing that being "brutally honest" is often just being brutal.
Effective communication requires considering the other person's feelings and context, not just raw emotional honesty.
Conclusion:
Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner highlight the significance of developing healthier communication habits, understanding physiological responses during conflicts, and fostering authenticity and kindness in relationships.
Resources Discussed in the Podcast:
Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationship by Dr. Jason Whiting
The Science of Trust by Dr. John Gottman
 

The Burden of Sexual Betrayal (Episode #23)

The Burden of Betrayal
When it comes to relationship challenges, infidelity and sexual betrayal are some of the most challenging issues to resolve. In this week's podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses the Burden of Sexual Betrayal. He explores it from both partners' perspectives and highlights the painful process of rebuilding a relationship after betrayal.
Resources Discussed
Attachment Focused Family Therapy by Daniel Hughes
Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner

Exploring Sexuality: Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors (Episode #22)

Exploring Sexuality:
Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors
We are all sexual beings and have natural desires that guide our behaviors. However, as we develop, our sexuality can cross lines that we regret. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss sexual connection and intimacy, and healthy versus unhealthy sexual behaviors. Join us for this information-filled episode. 
 

How to Support Your Loved One Through Mental Health Challenges: A Guide for Family Members (Episode #21)

Using the C.A.R.E.S Model to Help Your Loved Ones Dealing with 
Mental Health Challenges (Episode #21)
We live during a time when mental health challenges have significantly increased over the past few decades. Some research suggests that we are ten times more likely to have depression than we were fifty years ago.
Suppose you have a loved one struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. In that case, we invite you to listen to Dr. Robinson and Skinner as they discuss this important topic. They will be covering the C.A.R.E.S Model in-depth. If you want to help your struggling loved one, this podcast will provide valuable insights.
The C.A.R.E.S. Model
C = Communicate actively
A = Advocate for their needs
R = Respect their journey
E = Educate yourself
S = Support healthy habits
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Resources Mentioned in This Podcast:
National Alliiance on Mental Health (NAMI)
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/
 
 
 
 
 

Heart to Heart: Q&A on Strengthening Intimacy and Your Relationship Skills (Episode #20)

Heart to Heart: Q&A on Strengthening Communication and Intimacy in Your Relationship Skills
Join me, Dr. Kevin Skinner for a one on one conversation as I answer some of the common questions I receive as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Questions discussed in today’s podcast include:
What can I do if I can’t get the people close to me to open up.
What can I do to stop my unwanted sexual behaviors?
How can I overcome a fear of intimacy and being close to others?
I have been holding back from telling others about being betrayed, what do you think I should do?
Sources discussed in this podcast:
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/treating-sexual-addiction
https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/human-intimacy-free-webinar-series
Thanks for joining The Human Intimacy Podcast!

5 Simple Evidence-Based Daily Rituals to (Help You) Stay Afloat and Successfully Navigate Stress and Chaos (Episode #19)

PIERS: 5 Simple, Evidence-Based Daily Rituals to (help you) Stay Afloat and Successfully Navigate Stress and Chaos.
Life can be hard, and at times it can feel hopeless, helpless, and even out of control. 
We invite you to embark on a journey with us as we deep dive into the world of simple, grounding, evidence-based daily rituals for optimal living. These practices will help you improve your relationship with yourself and others. They will also enhance your physical, emotional, and mental health as you discover and develop these anchors to keep you afloat and thriving amidst life's daily challenges.
Resources Discussed During This Podcast:
Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being by Dr. Martin Seligman
Lost Connections by Johann Hari
A special thanks to McKay Hatch for the music.  You can learn more about McKay at:
https://youtu.be/BPmF47qHYbg?si=yWRL3H47q2f6HHZt

The Anatomy of a Sincere Apology (Episode #18)

The Anatomy of a Sincere Apology
While we all may want to hear someone close to us apologize for what they did to hurt or offend us, in this episode Amy and Dr. Skinner discuss how to improve your approach when you say “I’m sorry.” In fact, this episode you will learn why “I”m sorry” often is not enough.
Learn to strengthen your relationships, as you learn to apologize.
 
References Discussed:
How Can I Forgive You (Janice Abram Spring)
Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal (Dr. Kevin Skinner)
 

Cultivating Connection: The Mindful Approach to Better Relationships (Episode #17)

Cultivating Connection:
The Mindful Approach to Better Relationships
Welcome to the Human Intimacy Podcast, this special episode is dedicated to enriching your personal connections through the power of mindfulness. Join us as we explore the principles of mindfulness with our esteemed guest, Dallin Bruun, who studied Mindfulness at UMass Medical Center under the guidance of Jon Kabat-Zinn. In this episode, we delve into practical strategies for applying mindfulness in your day to day life. Dallin provides two enlightening mindfulness exercises backed by research that demonstrates how mindfulness can improve mental health and strengthen relationships. Whether you're looking to deepen your understanding of mindfulness or simply learn how to slow down in this chaotic world this episode provides the tools and knowledge to help you cultivate an authentic and healthy relationship with self and others.
 

Learn to Heal Trauma: Your Body Knows the Answers (Episode #16) —Special Guest Lauren Hatchett

Learn to Heal Trauma: Your Body Knows the Answers
Do you feel tense and uptight? Do you frequently get headaches or muscle pain? If so, your body may be feeling the lasting effects from difficult or traumatic experiences. In this episode Amy Andrus and Dr. Skinner interview Lauren Hatchett a trauma informed yoga specialist. 
In this episode you will learn specific cues you can take to listen to your body as you learn to heal from old or current wounds.